Week 9: Pep talks

Week 9. The first half was my usual adrenaline-pumped, “watch me kick my own ass and love it” kind of week. The end of the week, however, brought sudden and spirit-crushing obstacles. Usually my posts can be characterized by positivity and triumph but for the sake of transparency, I won’t hide or leave out the tough parts of this journey. Here’s the wrap up from my week:

  • Falling off the Wagon: This feels different. I’m sitting in the same place in my living room, wrapped in my same fuzzy blanket, sipping water out of my same “bodybuilder” water jug as I do every week when I write my SHESTRONG update, but tonight feels different. Much, much different. The last 48 hours have been physically exhausting and emotionally draining for me. I came down with a terrible flu-like illness yesterday that completely shut me down for 24hours. I couldn’t eat and could barely get out of bed. I had to force myself to stomach even small amounts of protein periodically throughout the day just to get a few calories in. And I certainly didn’t make it to the gym. On top of that, I battled an emotionally-taxing situation in my personal life. I felt defeated. I felt frustrated. I felt like I had lost control. Now, of course I’ve been sick before and of course I’ve previously endured tear-worthy goodbyes, but the intensity and threat of these situations was on a whole new level this week given how close I am to my competition. With only 3 weeks to go, I feel more pressure to tackle every single day with my  100% best. I can’t afford to be sick. I can’t afford to feel like I want to quit. I can’t afford to have fleeting thoughts of “this would be so much easier if I were a normal, non-competitor person right now.” And yet, that’s exactly where my brain went yesterday: Just let this be over.
  • Pep Talks: So this is where I had to pick myself back up. I woke up this morning, still feeling slightly ill and emotionally exhausted. For the sake of honesty, my thoughts of quitting this whole thing still lurk in the back of my brain. But I found a little tiny voice that nudged me to keep going. I scooped up every ounce of energy I could this afternoon and went to my training session with Brooke. Was it my best day? No. But did I give the best that I could each rep? I really did. My husband has a quote that he uses in his coaching: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all. Dont dog me. Lower your head and keep your feet moving if something gets in your way.” I’m holding onto these words right now with a firm, refusing-to-let-go grip.
  • Potatoes are the New Sexy: Had my refeed tonight: steak + potatoes with a little butter and salt. Seriously, this was a HUGE pick-me-up and morale booster. With that, there’s no muscle-clad, ab-ripping, booty-bump selfie this week. No, no, no. My potatoes are wayyyyy sexier. Rawr.

ITS SEPTEMBER! Competition month!!! Only 3 weeks to go!!